Which Wench Are You?
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
A lemon tart.
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
Watered down whiskey sour
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
Gypsy moth in its larval state
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
Billy Goat
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
On a one-way ticket to London and a bigger wash well.
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
Snip out the stain and sew up the dress. When the dress doesn't fit, ask if she has recently gained weight.
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
Stay up all day and all night on the roof of the pub waiting for the first signs of the royal cavalcade.
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
London, where I've heard the britches are always falling down.
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
Winning the 1412 commission to wash and starch all the cod pieces of her majesty's royal guard. They haven't smiled since.
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
The lovechild of pips and the Tasmanian Devil.
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
Ask for 3 times the price, and make my cousin do it.
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
A cup of chocolate with raspberry syrup.
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
Gin Gimlet.
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
Rhinoceros Beetle.
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
Ostrich.
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
Open a school for contortionist orphan tripe buglers.
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
Dye the whole dress red, and brag to the Duchess about how hard you worked to remove the stubborn milk stain.
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
Make banners of welcome from the brothel's bed sheets.
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
On the road with the Schropshire Circus
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
Bleaching the famous French troubadour ensemble "le mime." To this day they won't talk about it; and the mere mention of her name may evoke a tear.
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
A teletubbie.
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
Begin a cottage industry of truffle farming in the boots and claim that my cousin lost them.
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
A Squished Berry Cream Puff.
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
A bottle of anything with a glazed doughnut.
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
Roly Poly
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
A Gopher
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
On a pony.
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
Return the dress they way you received it, and sincerely tell the duchess that you love her so much you couldn't bear to change a thing
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
Become overly excited…fall down…hit your head…and remain blissfully unconscious until the royal progress has returned to London
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
Bedlam Asylum…there's no place like home.
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
Washing the horses of the royal tilt, the evening before the joust, and shrinking the steeds, creating a new species of lovable equine...the pony.
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
A fraggle.
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
Return them clean…with teeth marks
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
A pineapple upside down cake
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
Potato schnapps
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
Praying mantis
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
Chihuahua
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
Settle down and perfect the art of raising shapely tubers
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
When the Duchess returned for her gown she would find her wily wench wearing the gown and trying to pass off her own work clothes to the Duchess. The ole switcheroo....we all know royalty is less than clever, right?
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
Get drunk
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
The Irish Underground…if there isn’t one, I'll start one.
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
Botching the entire Scottish kilt order of 1430 causing each clan to have a slightly different color tartan.
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
Pippy longstockings, but just shut-up about it would you?
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
Boil them clean and save the water to make a nice soup stock
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
A blueberry pie.
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
Martini leftovers.
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
Stink bug.
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
Baby donkey - not an ass - a donkey.
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
On a small plot of land in Schropshire and 3 cows - to make ice cream.
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
Suck it out. If it doesn't work, you at least got a break from the taste of your own thumb.
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
Practice a variety of elegant and graceful bowing techniques…badly!
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
The Tower of London, I bet there are a lot of nice people there.
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
Defeating the laundry monster of Schopshire and so saving all of mankind from the threat of single socks.
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
Bubbles: the powerpuff girl.
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
Tell the sheriff it will take a full week to get them clean so that you can sleep with them every night.
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
A cone of cookies
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
Guinness and beer cheese soup
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
A fuzzy one
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
A polar bear
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
At the pub
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
Give her a drink and tell her it looks natural
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
Work out the Kegels
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
My favorite bench from the pub... In Hawaii
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
Spreading my scent
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
L. Ron Hubbard
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
Hyperventilate. Stop. Drool.
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
a tart with a nice pickle on top
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
guinness and cider
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
a butterfly with an attitude
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
a bull
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
first, I would buy a guinness, then I would buy another guinness, and if I had a spare coin, I would buy my cousin a guinness.
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
Chew on it for 3 days. If that doesn't remove the stain, sleep with it. The stain is bound to be scared out of it!
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
Roll around in beer. I hear they like the smell.
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
I would love to spend a night or two in the mudpit. Learn what's its like on the "dark side".
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
Realizing that a diet rich in beans could really help in the process of agitating the water.
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
Jim Henson
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
Promptly fall to the ground and begin licking his boots. It will serve as a pre-wash. Bonus...men seem to like it.
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
Anything fryable with powdered sugar
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
Nuts and Berries
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
Mud Dobber
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
A lovable monkey with a minor case of ADD.
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
I would not spend them, but keep them close to my bosom where my cousin could never find them in hopes of FINALLY keeping a dowry from her sauce sucking fund.
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
I do not. I give it to my cousin who is older and therefore far more experienced than I. She is solely responsible. Should my cousin refuse...I cry until she feels bad and buys me ice cream with powdered sugar.
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
Pretend to be up all night cleaning but really sneak off to my secret starch stash to enhance my hairstyle, making me far more noticeable and likely to find a beau in the royal court where I could wash far superior britches than that of the shire.
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
Picking flowers and skipping through the moores of Scotland while multiple pipers play wistfully.
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
Accidentally slipping off the washboard and falling into the pit one gloriously humid day, it was discovered that wash pits were useful for so much more than just laundry. Containing water within a confined space was found to be a refreshing and enjoyable means of relaxing, thus creating the first swimming "pool" and eventually leading to the construction of our modern-day waterparks.
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
Anne Heche
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
do it with gusto and remark on how lovely he would look in a kilt, offerring free boot-cleaning service should he decide to wear one.
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
chocolate... chocolate! chocolate! chocolate!
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
cosmopolitan out of a jelly jar
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
a cricket
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
a bonobo
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
chocolate... chocolate! chocolate! chocolate!
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
preserve it under glass and remark how the stain uncannily resembles the ghost of her mother
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
test all the preparations by sleeping in her bed (to see if it's comfy), eating the food set for her (it could be poisoned) and riding around in the carriage (just to make sure it's safe)
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
the Guiness factory
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
the discovery that washboard abs work even better than washboards!
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
Snoopy
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
sanitize them by drinking from them all night
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
crumb cake
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
guiness & man
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
bar fly
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
hyenna
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
beer and tip the bar wench
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
circular motions
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
mop the dirt
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
York, not the Old - they have great pubs
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
finding out a mans abdomin can be used for scrubbing
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
Mae West
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
use horse urine
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
 
Were you an English dessert, would you be...
Banana foster
 
What is your favorite mixed drink?
Whiskey ginger beer
 
What insect do you most identify yourself with?
Preying mantis
 
Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?
Pitbull/dodo bird
 
If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?
Fixing the bottom of my mug
 
The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?
Spit shine!
 
The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...
Ceremoniously throw up!
 
Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...
Venice! For the wine and exotic accents
 
When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:
 
Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?
Janeane Garafalo
 
The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :
grab a whiskey and a wetums
 


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